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Do we really move on? Joseph Zammit 30 June, 2008 - 8:34 AM

If ever asked the question, we would probably all admit to being heart broken at one time or another in our lives. It may have been in high school, when the boy you had a crush on all through primary school tells you he thinks of you as the sister he never had. It may have been in university, when your high school sweetheart moves away and promises he'll be back but never does come back. It may have been the man you always thought you would marry but one day, he just walks out and you never see him again. We have all been there. But do we ever admit how much it really affects our future relationships? I know I haven't been truthful.

I have tried to be strong, I have tried to forget, I have even tried to move on but last week I realized I am holding onto residual emotions that I suppressed in hope to achieve happiness by myself. You see many years ago (almost 7 I believe) I was in love. The kind that you only read about in fairy tales. It was strong, it was intoxicating, it was destructive. It destroyed who I was. Maybe he destroyed who I was, but I allowed it to happen. I was the happiest I have ever been yet the most unhappiest I could ever be. And then one day, just as fast as I found true love, it was taken away from me. Actually I took it away. I was the one who ended it. I remember exactly where I was standing, what I was wearing and the exact words that came out of my mouth. I ended it because he was unfaithful amongst other things. He had been having an affair for 6 months. One he always denied, but 2 weeks after I left him, he was engaged to the very same woman.

Ever since then, I have been very protective of my heart. I have not had many relationships. Actually I have only had one other that counts as a relationship. It was just as destructive, and I believe he too was unfaithful. However as much as I loved him I never completely gave myself to him so the pain and recovery never lasted as long the first time. And still to this day, I don't let anyone in. For the past 7 years I have played it safe. Never getting too close to the boundary, because if I step outside the lines I'm scared I'll never get back again.

Mostly I have gone out with men that I don't really feel any strong connection with. Don't get me wrong, I do like them (I could never go out with a man I didn't like) however to protect my own heart from being ripped in two, it's easier not to be too attracted to them. And if past experiences have ever taught me anything, it's that no matter what, there is an expiry date.

Some might think I am weak, others may think I need to get over it and move on, or some may even agree with me but honestly I thought I was over it. I have been walking around for the past 4 years with my head held high, saying to myself and my friends I'm happy and I dont want anyone, let alone need anyone!

But that is not it at all. I am too scared to be with anyone.

Do we ever really move on from our bad relationships? Can we ever let go completely to allow ourselves the possibility that love can or does exist. Do we just need to be patient and hopeful that one day the right man will come along and all the baggage we have been holding onto finally gets washed away with an opportunity to start again?

For my sake, I hope it does, otherwise I'm scared it's going to be a long and lonely life.

(8) »

• Melanie says

  Totally agree Dan! I have never been cheated on (to my knowledge), but do have other past relationship issues that I find hard to forget.

  I think its difficult to hide from someone new how insecure you might be feeling! And I think that's what it all comes back to - being insecure & not wanting another broken heart.

  All you can do is learn from past mistakes, and live each day to its fullest! Im doing my best to be positive in my new relationship, as I have recently met a lovely guy. But it's hard!

  Good luck!

  Posted Tuesday 1 July, 2008 11:33 AM
• shazza78 says

  We've all been there Dan!

  Posted Wednesday 2 July, 2008 7:58 AM
• Ryan says

  Dan, I knew it all along. From the first time they introduced you on this segment then through all your dates.

  There's always a reason smart, successful and gorgeous women like you are single! Something happened before.

  I hope one day you can truly move on but I understand how difficult it can be to once again trust your own instincts.

  All the best,

  Ryan

  Posted Monday 7 July, 2008 6:46 PM
• amy says

  I know exactly where you're coming from. It is extremely hard to think outside of the emotional bubble and to see new relationships for exactly that a new relationship a fresh start a new love. Honestly though if the man did the dirty on you he isn't worth even thinking about let alone letting him and/or the events that may have happened effect your life and your new relationships. I know it's easy to say and not to do it has happend to me more than once and it's damn hard but you just have to stay true to yourself life/love isn't worth changing for anyone. Just be true to yourself and you will be happy. Best wishes!

  Posted Monday 7 July, 2008 10:41 PM
• melgal says

  Dan, you need to move on! The jerk that did that to you doesn't deserve the energy that you put into thinking about this and in turn, you by saying this, you give him credit for you being the way you are. No!! You should take back the control and say you are the way you are because this is what you want. And if its not, then change and be the person you want to be. Don’t let him make you afraid, because you know what, you will be alone for a very long time. And you don’t deserve that.

  Posted Thursday 10 July, 2008 1:12 PM
• mark says

  i know the segment was about a chick trying to move on but there are males that has happened to aswell for me it has i met a chick after a relationship and we went out for bout a year things were great i was happy loved her 2 bits woulda died for her and one day it came crashing down my realationships after that just were doomed b4 they began i was trying to find a chick that was like her we stayed friends after we broke up i thought i had a chance still but instead didnt as time went on we stopped talkin then started again i never stopped loving her was always there but it wasnt doin any good drugs and alchole took over cause i couldnt deal wif problems and i ended up wanting to shoot myself now we dont talk again and wat happened drugs and alchole misscarriages from chicks i just slept with nothin came close to her i just wanted 2 be with her and give her children i think deep down i will always miss and love her and im slowley dealing with my problems after numerous court cases over me an drunken rampages but now i kinda met sum 1 we taking it slow and nothing guarented and 2day im slowley getting over my x and am gettin happy again and str8ting out so wat im saying is that time can heal all wounds i understand where you coming from and itll all work out trust me im happier still single but happy thats all and you will be 2 but just think the person u were with ther is always some1 better out there and theres never one soul mate 2 many ppl in the world but good luck

  Posted Saturday 2 August, 2008 5:51 AM
• Dan - DAHC says

  Mark - Thanks for your message. I wish you all the best in your new relationship. I hope you find happiness and new love again too. Life is too short to waste it agonising over our past relationships, but I know its easier said than done.
  But you know, life can be great as a single too. So if it doesn't work out, try not to let it get you down. Keep me updated on how it goes though!
  Good Luck!

  Posted Saturday 16 August, 2008 10:43 AM
• Alexis says

  I def agree in keeping the heart protected!even though sometimes its not the best thing to do, its easier then heartbreak and misery.

  But for the future the heart will open up again but this time it'll be smarter and wiser.

  Posted Saturday 18 October, 2008 7:34 AM

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