Breaking up is hard to do... Dan 12 August, 2008 - 3:47 PM

Breaking up is hard to do...

I've always been the one who has been broken up with, and it's a horrible feeling. The feeling is so consuming. You can't think about anything except the person who broke up with you and the relationship that you had with them.

As most of you would have read, I have recently been seeing this guy. I actually I met him on my second Sick of Single date and he's a really nice guy. We have had heaps of fun together. Its been a pretty casual relationship, but it had potential. There where lots of good times! However, good times are sometimes not enough. Things just weren't progressing as I was hoping. Not through his fault or mine. It was just time to make a change.

So, for the first time in my life, I had to break up with someone I cared about. And boy was it hard. I never realised that breaking up with someone could be so difficult. The nausea, stomach in knots, sweaty palms and the horrible moment of realising you are the worst person in the world because you are the one who inflicted the pain that you can see on the other persons face. It's not a pleasant feeling at all.

In fact, it was so hard, that when he walked away I just wanted to yell out "Stop" or "I take it back, let's stay together!" And then give him a huge hug and try to forget the horrible moments that passed just before.

It's been almost a week since we broke up and I still remember the feeling like it was today.

This experience made me put a few things into perspective. I have never questioned how hard it has been for someone to break up with me. Actually every time a relationship has ended I have always been so self consumed with the sadness that the last thing I ever thought of was how the other person must have been feeling. We all do it. It's a moment when we think we have every right to be selfish. And we do! God knows the pain can not be removed in a day and probably will never be forgotten.

I remember one guy I was seeing broke up with me over the phone. I couldn't believe it. It was such a cop out. But now I can kind of understand why he may have done it. I'm not saying it was right and I certainly would never do that myself however after feeling what I felt the other night when we ended our relationship, I know I don't want to be doing it again any time soon.

I guess I have always felt like the heart breaker gets to walk away pain free. But it's not true. Unless the shoe has been on the other foot, we really don't know how hard it is to say those two little words "It's over!"

(13) »

• Dave says

  I've never been dumped bu I must say breaking up with someone is quite hard and you do feel like a complete bastard when you've do it. saying that, the feeling doesn't last long and more often than not turns in to relief that you'll never have to pretend to care ever again...

  Posted Tuesday 12 August, 2008 4:00 PM
• Belinda says

  I've been dumped heaps of times well only really at school but it still hurt and the feeling does stay with you which is weird as I've been married 10 years...

  Posted Tuesday 12 August, 2008 4:02 PM
• melgal says

  Yeah, breaking up is hard to do. I've done it a few times and have never liked the experience. However the feeling does go away. You have done the right thing if you feel like the relationship was not moving forward. Its not good to stay with someone just because you don't want to break their heart. You'll feel better for it in the long run!

  Posted Tuesday 12 August, 2008 5:44 PM
• Steph says

  I know exactly what you mean. I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years 2 fridays ago. I feel like such a bitch doing it but the relationshio was just not working. I keep thinking i should go see him and say sorry and forget what happened and still be together. But i know that the relationship just wouldn't work. I couldn't do that to myself. I feel the pain everyday of hurting someone i love and care about and it's not a good feeling. But it's just something i have to try and get over and just stay friends with him. He's a great guy, just he's made some bad decisions for himself that changed everything. Oh well, Just keep smiling :o)

  Posted Wednesday 13 August, 2008 7:58 AM
• Doom&Gloom says

  does anything happy ever happen in your life?! this blog is so depressing!!

  you're single and alone... you're having your heart broken... your friends are crap... now you've broken someone elses heart...

  CHEER UP WILL YA! LIFE AINT THAT BAD!! how you get out of bed every day i have no idea??

  it's too much doom and gloom for me to bother reading anymore

  Posted Thursday 14 August, 2008 10:15 AM
• Michelle says

  Doom & gloom, I believe the purpose of this blog is for this girl to talk about her relationships, and sorry to tell ya, but relating with the opposite sex (or same sex whatever your preference) is full of highs and lows and to be honest until you find the "one" more often than not, there are many more lows! So keep the blogs coming because I am a single girl in this city and in the process of finding the "one" am breaking my heart and that of others too a long the way, its the way it goes!

  Posted Friday 15 August, 2008 12:15 PM
• Dan - DAHC says

  Doom & Gloom - There are many great things happening in my life. But life is full of ups and downs! You have to take the good with the bad. My job is to write what happens in my life, not to write fairytails of romance and happy endings every week. I have great friends, family and love my life more every moment I'm here- no matter what it throws my way.

  I'm not one to live my life with my head in the clouds, I'm a realist. And avoiding the bad doesn't make it go away. You need to accept it and (hopefully) learn from it!

  Life is grand and I never said it wasn't! Maybe I have had some down falls along my way.... But hey, haven't we all??

  Posted Saturday 16 August, 2008 10:20 AM
• Parky says

  Doom & Gloom, I think you will find that Dan was having a "realisation" moment that was important to her moving on from past relationships, How you think that is depressing is beyond me?!

  Oh and since when has being single meant you're alone and life is crappy?

  Good thing you aint writing this blog. I can only imagne what you would say... "You wouldn't beleive it, I met a girl today who was single and 30. Oh how horrible it must be to be all alone in this world having no one is like not being able to breath. I have been married since I was 20 and have had no life experiences and don't understand the meaning of independence. Blah blah blah!!!"

  Get a life will ya!

  I encourage you to come back and keep reading. You might learn a thing or two about life....

  Posted Saturday 16 August, 2008 10:30 AM
• j says

  Having someone strong enough to come to a conclusion like this is amazing. You have to dig deep inside to look past your own personal thoughts to have a revelation like this.

  I'm proud of her as it is very difficult to hurt someone you loved.

  Posted Monday 18 August, 2008 12:04 PM
• Jen says

  I broke up with my husband last year. Despite his abusiveness (verbal and emotional), I hated hurting him. Unfortunately all he could see was how much I hurt him, not how hard it was for me to do. It is a horrible thing to do and I felt like the biggest cow in the world. He eventually realised that I had to get out of the relationship, but he didn't see how hard it was for me to do or the pain it caused me too. Unfortunatley his abusiveness did not stop once I left him, it only got worse.

  Posted Wednesday 20 August, 2008 4:04 PM

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